12th day- I declare WOMB wellness NOT war

On this 12th day of June... 

I come to you with memory of my 12th grade school year... 

It was 12th grade and my Mother's baby was having a baby... 

HOW DID THAT HAPPEN??? 

I ask myself now more than ever. Well, let me explain... My Mother was harder on my older sister and I then she was/is on my my younger sisters; my older sister and I have agreed... :)

We are 9 years apart... 

me, the middle oldest and the middle youngest. 

My Mother had two sets of sister pairs... 

my older sister and I say she has gotten older and softer on the latter sister pair... :)

My older sister says I was spoiled though but I completely disagree... WE WERE ALL SPOILED in my Mother's own special way. 

We are all of her HEARTS, unconditionally in my 

eyes and heart!

Well, back to the lesson at hand... my Mother's baby was 

having a baby... 

Again, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??? 

I don't know... as I stayed earlier my Mother was hard on us as well as my Father on me when it came to male friends. I remember in middle school having a pager and one day it went off and it was not my Mother because she was right there. Since, she was the only one that was suppose to have the number (my Father did not even have the number I don't think) my Mother got it because I was in so many after school programs and extra curricular activities she wanted to be able to reach me whenever she needed to she said. So, when she realized it was vibrating and it wasn't her I got a tongue and belt lashing plus my pager taken away. I explained to my Mother who it was and how long we had been talking and how his Mother said they knew each other and how my close friend at the time and whose Mother she also knew was his cousin. She still wasn't at ease. She begin to ask more questions. Long story short, she wanted to meet him. My first love, kiss, and boy 'friend'. After the summer of 99, we went our separate ways. 

With this being said, again I still wonder how this happened. So, I had to really go into my mind and find the time when I met the young man that impregnated me (I know that sounds weird but I don't know how else to say it). 

Neither here nor there, it was Fall 2000, my 12th grade year and as I have stated in a previous publication. I was preparing to go to college. I would be the first generation to go to a HBCU (Historically Black College or University) and I had a full scholarship that my counselor, the best counselor in the world, informed me of and made certain all was well with my acceptance. 

I had admired this young man who stayed around the corner from us in our old neighborhood. He stated to me one day that water was the best thing to the body and how vital it was to breathing and living and it changed my perception of water FOREVER... even until this day. This intrigued me to start walking his way to go to the bus stop for school. He had an older sister who had children that I began to get attached to and I would go by on the weekend walks around the hood with my cousins sometimes to see them and see him as well. It was strange because we had never really been completely intimate but our conversations were thought provoking and stimulating.

He was some ages older than me and I didn't see myself actually being with him because I didn't think he was serious when he stated how much he liked and enjoyed me as well. Especially, after he decided to move to New Orleans. He kept in touch sometimes but it wasn't the same and then one day he tells me he had gotten someone pregnant but he didn't think the baby was his. So, when he returned we meet at his sister's house. Again, I am not certain on how I got out of the house for the night and next day but there I was. Maybe, I was at my Grandmothers, which on the weekends I could have gotten away with that but I can't see me lying to my Grandmother maybe my Mother then but it had to have been a half truth (which I know is still a lie regardless) I had to have said I was going to see his sister's children; that is the only way I can see this happening... SERIOUSLY!

I remember telling him we had to use protection because I could not get pregnant I have too much ahead. I do remember how nervous (feeling like Betty Wright) I was trembling... he had just got back from New Orleans and I missed him so much but I did not know what to expect, however, I do remember the conversation prior and how scared I was but I was so interested in how it would feel since our connection seemed so strong mentally.

I was also involved with someone else but willing to let him go for this man even though it had been awhile since I had seen him  or truly heard from him and I knew we wasn't exclusive. We hadn't agreed to be together before he left for New Orleans or while he was in New Orleans so I could not be upset but I was hurt and disappointed. As I think about it I can't believe how naive or weak I was with so many strengths in other areas of my being. I wanted to know if it was real though. Moreover, one thing was for a fact, he wanted me to get pregnant and I had no choice in the matter at that moment. Now, since we had protection my only thought is that he took it off or the condom must had torn but he swears we did not have protection but I know we did because I got them from 

planned parenthood. 

Needless to say, January came and so did sore breast and extra weight. When I scheduled my appointment at planned parenthood I didn't think I was going to be told at seventeen while still in the 12th grade that I was expecting a child and in front of my Mother who knew nothing of how this could have happened.

Surprisely, she was very supportive and non-argumentative. She was a Mother and friend all in one that day. She didn't ask many questions I mean she had four daughters by this time she knew how it happened maybe not in full detail but she knew it wasn't emalculate conception. She made me comfortable and safe (from her mostly). I told her that the man had already had a baby and I wanted to go to college. 

He was not happy with my decision but he helped and I didn't  really see or hear from him for awhile until I saw him and his third baby's mother a few times after but only in passing. Divinely, we including my Mother have discussed this matter recently, on his birthday actually, which was the date of my previous B.L.O.G. as  a matter of fact. 

In that fact, it was most highly DIVINE and WOMB wellness not war was conquered... mostly... within!

Also, the young man that I was involved with was supportive as well and loving until we decided we were not meant to be together. I do not see him but I do see his family and mutual friends and they have assured me of his forward movements in life. I state this of him as well to give Mothers of the old school and single Mothers honor and respect as well as appreciation for showing their sons how to truly love a wombman and for raising their sons as SUNS, who are bright and full of love to LOVE and HEAL WOMBS... 

On this 12th day, I declare WOMB wellness NOT war

with him and SELF!

I fast, pray, and meditate in love of my unborn that brought life to me in ways unknown. 

To my unborn, I fast, pray and meditate with the WOMBniverse that he or she has risen in a WOMB that loved he or she as I couldn't but do. 

To my unborn, if you find your way back to me in whatever shape or form I will love you unconditionally and wholeheartedly... 

Ase', Amen, Awomen, Bless it be, So be it... Peace and Blessings