Happily Never Happened
Happily Never Happened for me...
I thought we were meant to be. We loved each other enough to bring a child into this world. I thought he would be different because WE wanted this. He went to the doctor's appointments with me. He watched as my belly grew. He felt the baby kick and move around. I knew this was for us. I wanted this life.
Well, it was all a lie!
He didn't change and he wouldn't change even for his only son. The son we both prayed for. His lies continued. His looking and talking to other women continued. His not having a job continued. His selling dope continued. His life continued. My life changed forever...
I had a son to raise. I realized that I would be doing this alone. We were married so it wasn't a girlfriend/boyfriend situation. We said our vows before God. I held my vows but he did not. Things only got worse. We argued everyday about something. I had enough. I told him that he had to go. I couldn't continue to be in this toxic relationship. I needed better for myself and son. He moved out and moved into his own place. Soon after, he was living with this chic. Yes, I was hurt and angry. He moved on so quickly. Well, it didn't last long. He moved on to the next one. This time he married her. I knew of her. We were still married when he was playing the field with these females. I filed for a divorce. I was finally free. At least, I thought I was.
Our relationship is nonexistent now. It will probably be like this forever. I have always encouraged him to do right by his oldest child. I told him who cares what the Mother does with the money. Send it to her. It's for your child. I encouraged him to spend time with his child. He would but then drop his child off at his mother's house. You would think he would do right by my son. Nope. He didn't change a bit. He didn't support his son or tried to spend time with him. Once he got married, he moved away. He didn't have any contact with my son. He didn't pay child support. He didn't call to check on him. It was like my son didn't exist anymore. I had to do what I had to do. To this day, he still isn't doing what he needs to do. He has his son's cell number. We haven't moved out of the house we all lived in. My number is still the same. He doesn't have to go through me to have a relationship with his son. For whatever reason, he doesn't have one.
It was his choice...
Were the red flags there? Yes. Did I ignore the red flags? Yes. Did I believe him when he said he would change for his son? Yes. Would I do this all over again? No. Ladies, when you see the red flags, run. Run, do not stop and try to put the pieces together. Run, run, run and don't stop. We have this inner voice that guides us. It's up to us to listen and heed the warning. I didn't listen even though she was yelling and screaming at me to run. Why didn't I run? I wanted to be loved. I wanted to give love. I wanted love. I wanted him and this fairy tale life. I didn't get any of that. The only thing I did receive was my blessing.
My son is my blessing!
Now, did I repeat my mistakes with another man?
No. I had to love myself first!
You can't make a man love you.
Love Y.O.U. First!
and
First Love Y.O.U...
FLY!
Black Canary you are a great inspiration for so many young women and I am excited to share as well I will be keeping up with the B.L.O.G. and it's content. Peace and Love
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. This was very therapeutic for me.
ReplyDeleteLikewise... if we are honest with ourselves as women. It is Therapeutic for us all. We don't realize how much of our past we remember until we hear or read somewomb else's past (as Oni Abeni would say) or how much we are affected. We are affected and effected in more ways then one whether we were the Mother, the Sister of the Mother, the Mother of the Mother or the Mother or Woman reading about the Mother... we can all relate in some way and that is THERAPEUTIC! AND The beginning of a Healing Nation, for it starts with the WOMBman. Thank you again for being so brave and so real about your experience I was/am inspired and entitled to say something for ALL WOMEN...Everywhere... I AM EVERY WOMAN!
DeleteBLACK CANARY this message (comment) was meant for you but posted on past post... You are welcome to view the post titled "A reSILiENT WOMBman" and check out the comment to reply
ReplyDeleteMissUnderstood December 12, 2018 at 7:44 AM
Black Canary your womb glory story is very inspiring and I thank you for choosing to share. I am a young (22) Mother with 3 children and I don't feel I made a bad decision by having my children but I do wish I was more conscious of my choice of their dads not because they are bad dads but because we are totally opposite in the way we want to raise them and it is as hard as raising them alone. I constantly having to redirect their thought process and behavior when they come back home. Lately, he has been distance and he is using our differences as an excuse and I not mad about it but my children are been affected and I do not appreciate it. Anyway, I just thank you for sharing I felt like sharing after reading your story and I do not do that much.
Thank you for reading my story. Please know that children are a gift. If your children are old enough to understand, talk with them about their feelings. If not, have them to draw how they feel. Sometimes children don't know how to express themselves appropriately. This will be a way to understand their thought process. If you are on good terms with the father, talk to him and explain what the children are feeling. If not, you will have to have guidelines for them at home and when they return from seeing their father. I believe in getting outside professional help (counselor). I went to counseling after my divorce. I had my son go a few sessions too. It did help us. My son and I communicate a lot. I try to make it so he can tell me anything. So far, it's worked.
DeleteExcuse my misdirection I thought I was commenting on this post. Please charge it to my mind not my heart.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story I saw this link on a woman's instagram that I have been following the last 5 months I am inspired by her every post.
Anyway, I am grateful to have pushed myself to share as well. Hopefully, my children no I love them and I am not mad at them for loving their Father too. I have tried to talk to him several times on his visit time but he states its his time and he can do with his children what he want and I do agree with that and I do not fault anyone but myself for my poor or lack of judgement at a time I needed to be judging. I do not like to call it judging but there is no other word that comes to mind... I just have to be more careful next time because despite this rollcoaster I do want more children but my children says no. LOL:) I do know about outside help I am really a private person I am surprised I commented and believe it or not the lady on instagram and you are helping me be more open and I thank you both. I am not a open book but something in you both makes me feel like sharing. My Mother and I have a good relationship but sometimes parents just don't understand. My Mother was upset for awhile that we didn't get married but now she seems like she is starting to understand why. I will try the drawing suggestion for my younger child and some talk time with my older one. The middle child is an indigo child as the woman on instagram said, he is extremely different even than me and he doesn't really act like he is affected by his Father and I relationship. When he goes to his Father's he the exact same way he is when he is with me and he will tell his Father when he doesn't want to do something or go somewhere and its not because I said he just truly has his own mind and heart. I love them all but he is my special baby but I better not call him baby he says Mother, (he doesn't even call me Mama like my other children) I do not drink out of a bottle. LOL:) He is amazing:)
Well, I thank you again for being a 'counselor' and a real Mother it inspires me and I hope the suggestions work. I will let you know how we are doing from time to time.
You go Mama! Keep your head up and your mind clear on what is best for your children. Enough said, everything else you already know Mama! I'm so proud of young women like you. Again... You go Mama!
DeleteThank so much for the hopes and appreciation. It was my decision to have my babies but not solely or alone so I am grateful for his Dads thoughts and actions, however, I am patient to see how and when we settle our differences and began working together in unison more. Either way, I thank Oni Abeni, Black Canary and you for your kind words and appreciation... each of you will never be forgotten.
DeleteMissUnderstood... you are too kind... I am in Joy for your appreciation. Black Canary was open and willing to share her story and I am most humble and gracious to her for her contribution. She is added to the many other SHEROS in my life. You are handling your relationship with their Dad and your relationship with your children like a Sacred wombman is suppose to, without blaming, shaming or taming. You are a inspiration to me as well. I have not had the pleasure or pain of bearing children but each of you are a light of love and peace for whenever I embark on that journey again. Peace and Gratitude Queen
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